When your spouse swore his life to serve the country, you knew, one way or another, he has to sacrifice his life over the safety of the majority. Despite being aware of this possibility, no one would wish for their loved one to die, let alone that they are faced with major harm. When the dreaded day comes that all that’s returned to your doorstep is your spouse’s garb, no other moment can ever make you as crestfallen as that.
But, life has to go on. You have to pick yourself up for yourself and the people left behind. It wouldn’t be a smooth road ahead, but the earlier you acknowledge your grief and methods to actively heal, you can get back up and be back there for your children who need you the most.
Take Your Time
At some point, we would all have to go through the grief of a loved one’s death. For your sake, do not force yourself to quickly get over the pain in an attempt to undermine it for the responsibilities you have to attend to, being the ideal parent for your kids for example. It was tough when you used to co-parent with your spouse, more so now that you have to single-handedly handle it.
You cannot be the perfect single parent overnight. Embrace the new journey one step at a time. For sure, your kids will similarly feel strange with the new setup so take this as an opportunity to figure things out as a cohesive team. From time to time you would stumble upon an everyday object that would remind you and your kids of your spouse, a family picture in the living room, his favorite shirt, or a board game the family would play on weekends.
During the mourning phase, it’s natural to find yourself choking up to the memories these objects hold. But, steadily, you can view these as a reminder of how every moment your spouse spent with you all, no matter how ordinary this was, was what made him the happiest. For sure, this is the condition your spouse wants to be remembered.
Seek Comfort from Loved Ones.
When things get overwhelming, you may find relief from solitude. While it is okay to be with your thoughts and attempt to make important plans, still take time to be around people you love. They are more than willing to keep you company and tirelessly listen as you pour your heart out.
Sometimes, they could take cheering you up too far that you may feel as if you are being rushed to be okay again. Don’t take offense with this, instead, acknowledge their good intentions. You can be honest with how you feel about their approach, likewise, you should not hesitate in speaking to them about your worries because, more than anyone, they would go the extra mile in attempting to mend your brokenness.
What this Event is Teaching You
You want to put on a strong front for your children who depend on you, but, at times, this could prove to be a difficult task. In this case, seeing the opportunities for personal growth could help you in perceiving your responsibilities more optimistically. True, you have a lot of new skills to master, and so envision how better you can come out of the difficult situation rather than feeling burdened by it.
Be Acquainted with the Veteran Community
Make friends with fellow widowers, widowed wives, or surviving veterans themselves because they could understand the specific pain you are going through. Listen to their advice on how they coped with the loss of a family member or a colleague from deployment and you can guarantee to find hope. While getting in touch with fellow widowed wives through groups such as Gold Star Wives of America, Inc., you can also participate in volunteer events that they organize and, in the process, feel a sense of empowerment and community.
Also, with the help of a casualty assistance officer, make your family more acknowledged by the Department of Veteran Affairs. Aside from the assistance you can receive relative to the funeral and burial of your spouse, find out the more long-term benefits you are entitled to receive. These include access to your spouse’s VA loan, financial compensation, healthcare, and counseling for the bereaved family.
Nothing could prepare you for losing your spouse to service. Human as you are, you should allow yourself to feel pain and not be afraid of receiving help from people who care for you.
